Internet. Serious Business.

Maybe I didn’t make myself clear when I put in all caps what I want from you. I didn’t want you to send me the same three silly pictures as before. I don’t know how to make this any easier for you to understand.

I want A PICTURE OF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, HOLDING A SIGN WHICH SAYS “I WANT TO FEEL JESUS’ SALVATION ALL OVER MY FACE.”

If you send me those same pictures a third time, I’m gonna have to choke a bitch.

Please note that my partner wants to see this to prove to him you are a good Christian woman. If you do this, lunchbox will get his money (which he’ll no doubt waste on more roots and paste. Seriously, have you seen how large that guy is?).
REMEMBER: A picture of you or a friend holding a sign that says: I WANT TO FEEL JESUS’ SALVATION ALL OVER MY FACE.

You’re so close to getting what you deserve! Don’t fail me now. I want to swoop in and rescue you from that shit-covered latrine of a country. I hope you will send the picture swiftly.

Gawd Dayumn,

Buht Fokker
Chairman/CEO DVDA Inc.

I have not received the picture I requested, yet. Please do hurry, as I want to pay lunchbox as soon as I can. Just think: This time next week, you’ll be here in the U.S sipping pina coladas, and filling your stomach with something other than roots and paste!
Black people get treated very fairly here in the U.S. If anyone should mention the name “Rodney King,” just ignore them, as they’re talking about fiction.

I urge you to send the picture of you or a friend holding a sign saying “I WANT TO FEEL JESUS’ SALVATION ALL OVER MY FACE.” Remember- You or someone you know, holding a sign that says that sentence.

Can you do this? I will be sending lunchbox (Ben Omega) the money as soon as you do. Help me help you.
I pray for your safety. I know how dangerous it must be, what with all the lions and ebola monkeys running around the streets.

Sexily,

It seems that you are not at all serious about doing business with me. I had hoped we could resolve this matter in a quick and efficient manner, but you seem intent on breaking my balls.

I have the money with me, all I need is the picture of you or someone you know holding a sign saying “I WANT TO FEEL JESUS’ SALVATION ALL OVER MY FACE.”
This is how we do business in my country.

Why will you not do this? Do you not want to be rescued from your monkey-ridden country?
I repeat: I have the money with me; all I need is that photo. It’s a very simple matter. I assume people get taught to write in Africa, surely? You are making my balls quake in fury.

I have attached a picture that shows you how I feel. It’s like I am so close to getting what I need, but then I get cock blocked, by your inefficient ass. Or something to that effect.

Please email me back, as I fear for your life. I will email lunchbox, and tell him the deal is off, unless I hear from you.

One pissed off,

I have the money with me, and I am ready to send it. My partner finally agreed to release it, but on two conditions. The first was that I could have the money, but not actually send it until I got the picture I asked for. The second condition was that he could get to bone my girlfriend.

You see how dedicated I am? I let another man blast her in the ass for the sake of helping Goodness. Don’t let the tear in my girlfriend’s anal cavity be in vain. When I told her about why I wanted to her to do it, she immediately said, “hell yeah, honey, if it means we can save her, I’ll take a shot in the ass!” What she didn’t know was that my partner, a Mr. Ain Nusbustar, enjoys using his fist, as well. Think about that.

Please try and convince her to send the required picture. I have emailed her about it already, but I’m sure you can use your..well I was about to masculine presence, but shit, I’ve seen your photo, that ain’t happening any time soon. Ok, just do whatever you can.

Sincerely,

Bught Fokker
Chairman/CEO DVDA Inc.